When Faith and Fear Live in the Same House

A few weeks ago I took my oldest daughter to the pool. It was just her and I and I was hoping to have a good afternoon with her and maybe wear her out a little bit for bed time later. She’s only two and we haven’t done any swimming lessons yet so I basically followed her around or carried her the whole time we were there. She learned that she could lay on her stomach in the water and kind of walk around on her hands. I stayed right behind her watching and I even thought, “I better make sure she doesn’t get too deep.” I looked up for a couple seconds and that’s when I heard a “Hey!” I looked down and her head was under water. I grabbed her quickly and she came up coughing. The lifeguard that was nearby asked if she was okay and I said I think so and she went back to playing in the water like nothing happened. 

We went out for dinner and ice cream after that and I tried to not think too much about it for the rest of the evening and just be grateful to God that nothing happened. But then nighttime came, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. 

Nighttime is the time when I seem to not be able to control the anxious thoughts quite as well as I can during the day. I can go into a spiral of thinking about what ifs. What if I wasn’t as close to her as I was. What if nobody had noticed and said “hey!” and I kept looking around, oblivious to what was happening. 

And of course, things like social media don’t make it any better. I don’t know how the algorithm works but I often end up with sad stories about kids dying, spouses dying or things we need to watch out for and I just feel overwhelmed with such a strong sadness and fear that I feel like I don’t ever want to do anything or go anywhere ever again.

It’s easy to hear that “faith casts out fear” and I want to believe it but when I’m lying in bed at night, consumed by the “what-ifs” and overwhelmed by the weight of the unknown, faith doesn’t always feel like enough. It’s not that I don’t have faith - the logical side of my brain does. But I can’t just turn off the fear and that can be confusing. 

Maybe that’s where we often get caught up—believing that faith and fear can’t coexist. But I don’t think that’s true. I think God knows we’ll still face fear. And in His word, He doesn’t shy away from that truth.

Psalm 56:3 says, “When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” 

It doesn’t say that faith will remove fear. Fear doesn’t automatically disappear but there is a determination that says, “I will trust in you.” So, faith isn’t about eliminating fear; it’s about trusting God in the midst of it. 

I believe living with fear doesn’t mean I’m not faithful. It means that even though I am afraid, I’m making the choice to trust the One who knows all things and is in control of all things. The One whose ways are not my ways and whose thoughts are not my thoughts. 

This isn’t easy. It’s hard to trust in the unknown. But I believe God is still good even when my life circumstances or the world or the times feel heavy. 

I wish I could say I have a great system I use to help me relax when I feel these things. That I pray or journal and I feel better, but I would be lying if I said that. I do try to take it one step at a time. And I remind myself that it’s okay not to have all the answers right now - just take the next step.   

So, if you’re sitting in that same tension, with fear and faith living side by side, know that you’re not alone. Choosing to trust God even when the world doesn’t make sense is still faith. And if all you can do today is take the next step, that’s enough.